...I'd start it all off Thursday with The Wild Feathers @ 3:15, then Taran Killam in the Comedy Theater @ 5 until ZZ Ward hits That Tent @ 6. Monster Truck @ 8 PM in the New Music Lounge is the "must see" of the day. I'd probably call it a night after that since nothing else screams at me to see/hear.
Friday the 13th would begin at Which Stage and Vintage Trouble @ 12:45. I'd have a little break before making soiree uno to the main stage for Umphrey's McGee @ 3:30. Andrew Bird starts @ 6 at This Tent...and now it gets dicey. Depending on the quality of Mr. Bird's set, there's a chance I'd slip away to hear some of The Head And The Heart. 7:30 PM sees the first direct conflict as Vampire Weekend and Chvrches take opposite stages. I don't own anything by either but I would certainly like to see a bit of both. This is when I'd hope for cooler temps and dry conditions as I'd have my walking shoes working overtime... Neutral Milk Hotel starts @ 8 and I'd certainly head that way after the previous two finish at 8:45. At the end of their set I'd catch the last thirty minutes of Phoenix back on Which Stage and then head home. No Kimye, Ice Cube or Mastodon for me.
Saturday will be a full day starting at the What Stage with Seasick Steve. He gets main stage billing because the 70+ year-old California blues man is a huge name in the U.K. and abroad. I've tried to "get it" but just don't, yet I'd join all the 2200 foreigners in attendance who've scheduled to be there. I'd scoot over to Blackberry Smoke @ 2:15 for about thirty minutes and then plant myself at "must see" First Aid Kit at This Tent @ 3 PM. Their new album comes out that week so it should be special. Back over on the big stage finds Tedeschi Trucks though I'll bet Cake's overlapping set at Which has a big crowd. Drive-By Truckers would be next followed by Damon Albarn on the What Stage. I passed on his new solo record and wasn't thrilled with Gorillaz but his work with Blur forces my attention that way. If he's boring as hell, Cage The Elephant is playing the second stage and according to the Bonnaroo site, five times more people are going there anyway. I'd be at the Other Tent @ 7 for the John Butler Trio while the majority of the hordes attend Lionel Richie or Chromeo. Not much of interest for a couple of hours until the night's headliner, Jack White, takes the main stage. I'm not a huge fan though his Dead Weather set a few years ago will be difficult to beat. It's the post-midnight lineup that has four solid performances and it will be only the most wasted who won't attend any of them. I would HAVE to see what Wayne and The Lips are going to do. I obtained their Record Store Day edit of 7 Skies H3 (look it up...it's par for their course), they have a Sgt. Pepper's tribute album scheduled for October (the DS of the M was pretty good) and they've been hanging around with Yoko and the Lennons. The other option would be Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds, who will certainly have the smallest crowd of the four. Lots of people will go see Frank Ocean but the sight to behold will be the Superjam with Skrillex & Friends. The EDM gets old quick for me but people-watching will be a blast!
Sunday's schedule is a piddling bunch that couldn't give me a musical hard-on with a fistful of Viagra. I wouldn't venture out into the odoriferous masses until close to dinnertime, if then. Would have a hard time catching the Carolina Chocolate Drops first thing and then nothing for hours. The only mild interest would be Broken Bells @ 6:15. No, I've never understood the draw of Fitz & The Tantrums and Amos Lee just doesn't work somehow. I get that Arctic Monkeys and The Avett Brothers have their followers but there are other artists/bands who do the same thing much better. My plan would be to plant my ass in the line to get into the main stage ASAP after the Avetts clear so I could watch them set up for Elton. Last year, Sir Paul, this year, EJ......wow....... Forty years ago at THS, if someone said these two would one day play a concert on a farm outside Manchester, they would have been accused of sampling said farm's fungi. McCartney flew into the tiny Tullahoma airport and rode the sixteen miles with the limo window down waving at everybody along the way. Think Elton will do that?
I heard all of you laughing out loud......
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